Monday, May 3, 2010

seriously?! you have GOT to be kidding me!! i thought we were done with this by now!!

i give up.

ok, i don't give up. but i'm sick of all of this, i really am.

today, asher was/is pale, short of breath, and very sweaty. i could have wrung out his pillow after his nap today, and asher is not a sleep-sweater. yeah. so i called our paeds, who of course...

sent us to emerg.

where i was hoping for (and expecting, to be honest), "mom, you're paranoid. he's got half a heart and it's humid out. this will happen. go home."

what i got instead was...

"there's an inversion in his T-wave on the ECG. you have an appointment with them on wednesday, right? we'll let you go home, but only because you're seeing them this week."

let me be clear here, i was not aware of an appointment with cardiology this week. i knew we are scheduled to go for pacemaker clinic at the end of the month, but this appointment was not on my calendar, and now i'm worried.

and scared.

and confused.

between the fontan and the pacemaker, wasn't asher supposed to be stable now? weren't we supposed to be done with all of this? where's the stability we'd been promised before the fontan?

oh, wait. i forgot. we're talking about asher, and he does things his own way.

and leave it to him to choose the one complication that i simply do not understand. at all. everything else about paeds cardio and CHD i understand, or at least can figure out if i think about it for a couple minutes. but this! electrophysiology is beyond me. i just. don't. get it.

a friend gave me a link to read about arrhythmia and the different waves on the ECG (click here on the title of this post to check it out), and it's helping... but, um... what do they mean by depolarization and repolarization? and when you consider that the T-wave has something to do with the repolarization of the ventricles after the contraction, i'm completely lost. and i can't find my favouritest book ever, my trusty, little red medical dictionary that (ironically) buffo (an electrophysiologist) told me i shouldn't have.

so right now, to be honest, i just want to cry. i thought this was all done with. and i thought the pacemaker was going to solve all these problems.

oh, wait. the T-wave was never a problem until today. of course! because why would asher show all his cards at once? that would be too easy.


Kerri said...

Oh so very sorry. I hate to hear the news. Today, as I was walking with my Mary Clare outside, both of us barefoot, I thought of your last post with a photo of Asher's pink toes. Mary Clare's blueish tint reminded me of her approaching Fontan. I made a mental note to take a before and after "toe" photo to compare. I loved seeing Asher's sweet and very noticeably pinkish toes. I so hope everything goes smoothly with his appointment this week. He is one cutie!

Michelle said...

Sorry you are going through this. My daughter recently received a pacemaker after her Rastelli surgery so I am also new to learning the 'electrical' side of the heart. I hope that for Asher whatever is going on is something that can easily be fixed by a change to pacemaker settings. I will check back - in my thoughts and prayers.