Sunday, February 21, 2010

gah! it's too close! it's too close!!!!

just a quick "fyi" post today, folks.

tomorrow is pre-op clinic. asher and i have to arrive at 7:30 am (apparently there's a 7:30 in the morning now... who knew?!?!) for bloodwork. then it's a day of chest x-ray, ultrasound (on his right femoral vein, checking for clots), and meeting with the nurse, surgery nurse practitioner, anaesthesiologist, surgical fellow, and surgeon. wow, i just about threw up, there.

a week from tuesday... 9 days from now... is surgery day. the fontan. excuse me while i vomit. k, back. yeah, surgery in just over a week.

it's strange. i'm not nearly as worried about this surgery as i was about the coles, and since i'm not mourning, i'm not in the same head-space as before the glenn. but... i don't know... i was talking to someone at church this morning, and she asked how i can hand asher over to the surgeons, knowing what they're going to do. my answer? "i don't know." because i don't. she looked heartbroken just thinking about it, and yeah, it is heartbreaking. (no pun intended.) i don't know how i do it. i just do what i have to do to keep asher alive, i guess. blech.

heart parenting isn't easy, folks. it's hard. brutal, in fact. stressful, dehumanizing, crazy-making, frustrating, heartbreaking... an emotional roller coaster on a good day! on the other hand, like i wrote to dr caldarone, there are i times i forget that asher even has a zipper, and those are the best moments, because it means he's a normal kid. let me tell you, i live for those moments.

well, i said this would be a quick post, and before this gets too long, i'm gonna sign off. i'll post tuesday and let you know how clinic went.


Jenaia said...

Praying for you and Asher. Praying his tummy troubles are gone quickly and just a little bug that will be over quickly. which I know doesn't generally happen for Asher. The other day Jodi Lin woke up in the morning and threw up and has been fine ever since. I pray that no matter what Asher will be able to have the fontan and be in the best condition he can be for it. They give them a nice drink before going in for the fontan and we actually handed Dominic over laughing because he was like a drunk little 3 year old, on his birthday. Watch the video on my facebook page, it will make you laugh. It definetly lightened the mood while handing him to the docs.

Lots of prayers your way,


ChristophersHeart said...

(((hugs))) thinking of you <3 Wish I was closer, we'd have a tea and chat. Or maybe some poutine and beer. Yeah :) Asher is in the hands of a super fantabulous surgeon, he's going in this time in MUCH better health (even with tummy troubles) than previous surgeries, he's bigger, stronger and from what I've read, the Fontan recovery is a different story than the Glen. And Heather...think of how PINK he'll be! He'll be pink!! Sweet, lovely beautiful pink!! And before you know it, that sweet little boy will be up and running around with twice the energy as before!

ChristophersHeart said...

I didn't mean to downplay the surgery...I know the Fontan is serious business...I just meant that hopefully the road to recovery for this one will be smoother and shorter than previous ones....

Tanna said...

When we were standing there conversing with Dr Caldarone over Yale while he was laying in his crib, Dr C turned to Ty and asked him if he was ready. he gave a very nervouse yes, then he asked me and I said I have to be. then he asked Yale and Yale blew him a raspberry! LOL. we all burst out laughing, and Dr C said, well on that note, I'll see you guys tonight! And you know the rest of that story. We got our happy ending to a nightmare, and you will get yours too! Like you said, Asher has been much weaker going into surgery and been fine. and I'm starting to think he hears you when you say "no more asher business"