Friday, April 11, 2008

oh, yeah, i forgot about all this "toddler" stuff

...such as, messes at mealtimes.

remember last week when i posted about asher and perogies? how much he loved them? well, i think i've discovered something: it's not the perogies he loves, per se, it's the smooth but thick, cheesy insides served in something carb-y and smothered in sauce. asher's new favourite:

3-cheese canneloni!

and yes, it was just as messy as it sounds.

i mean, you should see blithe's plate. it's a mess, and she's a 5-year-old girl! and bram, well, he didn't even finish his, and his plate is cleaner than asher's spot. he got it all over the table, his high chair, in his pants and hair. there was even some sauce on the back of the high chair! the back! i'm not kidding! he is such a toddler, and such a boy!

i love it. :)

stop reading right now if you want to savour the fun, without all my crap. i give you permission.

on a somewhat different, less fun note... i'm feeling very anxious about the surgeries coming up. it helped hearing the surgeon say that this won't be a huge surgery, certainly nothing like what he went through in june. maybe it's just normal heart mom stuff, when babe goes in for open heart surgery, or any heart surgery, for that matter. rationally, he's been through worse, he's a tough kid, much stronger than me. on the other hand... i just can't shake this feeling, in the pit of my stomach, that i'm going to lose my baby this month. this feeling is all too familiar to me. how many times have i felt this way before? let's count:
  1. the first week in toronto
  2. the hybrid
  3. the ASD stent
  4. the drug-resistant UTI last spring
  5. the pre-Glenn cath
  6. the Glenn
  7. anytime reflux is an issue
  8. sepsis
  9. RSV
  10. the last couple weeks

perhaps it's a left-over feeling from last week when i confronted all his issues at once. but then, i remember when asher was getting the stent, i didn't want anyone to talk to me, because i was sure he wasn't going to make it. and during the cath, i was sure he'd have a heart attack or something and pass away in the cath lab. and the Glenn! when the surgeon says things like, "this is a really big operation," yeah, it doesn't do much to put your heart at ease. when he came back from the OR i could have kissed him when he took us out into the hall and told us how it went, and the words "i'm so sorry" were not even uttered! i was sure asher wasn't going to make it through that surgery.

see? i've been here before, and so has asher. but still... they're going to slice off a piece of the inside wall of my baby's heart. i don't know. i'll talk about it with asher's nurse when she comes today.

after our trip to ikea!!!!! woohoo!!! hub has loosened the purse strings once again, and we're re-doing our bedroom! basically, it's as bad as the kitchen was. dresser's too wide, we don't have much wall space. the wardrobe is ugly, bulky, and not really functional. the shelf in the corner sticks out so far, you can't really use it for everyday stuff, because it's too deep, too narrow, too short (or too tall, i haven't figured out which - either way, an awkward height). we have no hamper, so you can imagine the piles of clothes... for 3 people! this isn't really a nice room for people to live in, and there's 3 of us in there, plus blithe and bram are always in our room, too! so things have to change. need some organization, and some pretty. some mellow and relaxing. right now, i dread going in there. that's no way to feel about a bedroom! so, some new furniture (not a new bed, though. i like the bed, so it's staying) and some paint, until we can afford to rip out the walls and re-do those, 'cause they're not in the greatest shape. well, you've seen it. oh, no, wait, you haven't! i don't let anyone in there, because it's so bad! that's right! well, when it's done, i'll put pictures up somewhere. maybe some here, since it's asher's room, too.

we've been here over 5 years, and we've never really done anything to the house. just some paint here and there, really. it's an old house, and we have a sick boy who needs things clean and organized (remember the IV trailing behind him). and, thank-you left-leaning government, we got a nice big tax return, so we're going to pay off some credit cards, and get some stuff for the bedroom.

well, gotta go. it's getting later, everyone's getting up soon, and really, i'm just writing here to avoid the giant pile of dishes. i've been up over an hour now. i should probably do something productive now. wow! this is rambling, isn't it? ok, i'm done. for now. i'll post more later. unless i'm at the truckload scrapbooking clearance sale in st thomas. ok, really got to stop now. ttys! h

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