Tuesday, January 4, 2011

last night as i lay cuddling...

every night at bedtime, asher wants me to cuddle him to sleep.

it's my favourite time of the day.

see, the older kids slept with me until, well... asher. and even still, if bram is going to nap, i have to lay down with him (oh, the hardship). blithe still sneaks into my bed at night sometimes. why, just the other morning, i woke up with both of them in my bed. i have no idea when they joined me, but it was a nice surprise.

but asher... when he was a baby, he slept with me for the first week. and then... he was lying on a tray hooked up to more machines than you can imagine for several weeks. then he came home with a feeding tube and severe reflux and broken ribs and well... co-sleeping didn't happen. at all. ever.

until a few months ago, when he decided that he wants me to cuddle him to sleep.

gosh, let me think about that... um, YEAH!!!!

so, last night, he said his prayers and we cuddled up. as we lay in his bed spooning, just as we were both drifting off to sleep,

i could feel his heart beating.

lub dub, lub dub, lub dub...

ok, really, it's more like lub lub lub lub lub.

(and for those who don't spend as much time with cardiologists as we do... "lubdub" is the real medical term for the heartbeat. see? this blog is entertaining and educational! haha)

anyway... i could feel asher's heart beating. a beautiful, strong, steady rhythm.

and it got me thinking... as things often do with this littlest man of mine... how miraculous this little heart of his truly is.

this little heart of his...



ripped apart...

put back together in a different way...

wired up to a battery pack...

it shouldn't work. it just shouldn't.

and yet, there it is.

lub lub lub lub lub

pumping his blood through his little body... which is also scarred... and small for his age...

and keeping him alive.

and keeping him alive.

it's like it doesn't know that it shouldn't be able to do this. to beat. to beat this often. to beat this strongly. to beat this regularly.

to beat at all.

and yet it does. a steady rhythm. a constant rhythm.

a beautiful rhythm.

a miraculous rhythm.

a little boy's rhythm.

my little boy's rhythm.

i don't know how long i'll have this rhythm in my life. it hurts to know that, but it's true. but right now, i also know

that this little rhythm of his is beating away. at least 80 beats every minute.

and it's just so. very. beautiful.


Wendy said...

Beautifully written Heather <3

HeartBabyHome said...

My heart baby (2 yrs old, had the glen but not the fontan yet) doesn't like snuggling, but she lets me hold her now - demands it.
I love feeling her heartbeat in the quiet moments. ...and I love the bright smile that goes with it.

Heather said...

heartbabyhome, asher was the same way. wasn't cuddly at all until an admission last fall, then all of a sudden, he just wanted to cuddle. and snuggle. and be held. i suspect a lot of it had to do with reflux and such, and the fact that he spent too much time in hospitals not being touched much (esp when in ICU)... i did what i could, but depending on what's going on.... you know the drill... but now he's just as cuddly as his siblings, which makes me very happy, indeed. <3

HeartBabyHome said...

I can't even tell you how happy I am to hear that! I hope she's as cuddly as her siblings one day :)

Edwin Peters said...

Ya, I loves that boy!! It's awesome how cuddly he's become over the last year. He'll want to sit on my lap and watch TV, or at bedtime hold my hand to fall asleep. And that's when he gets all chatty, like Bram used to be!! lol
It's funny that you mentioned about listening to his heart, because that was what I did the other night while I was praying for him and just totally amazed at how God has sustained our boy.