Sunday, March 6, 2011

my bad :S

i realized at church today that i had forgotten to update the blog here with some more recent developments. my bad. so here we go...

the other night - thursday, i believe - i was chatting with our amazing paeds dr b. she informed me that she was not overly convinced by london's take on things, and so she called toronto cardio to talk it over with them.

and, it would seem, toronto was very concerned by what they heard.

and, it would seem, toronto wants asher to come to pacemaker clinic in toronto.

because, it would seem, they think there is, in fact, something wrong with asher's pacemaker.

and, it would seem, they are not overly impressed with her idea to lower his pacer setting when he's stable enough. (which, frankly, is fine by me, since she wants to lower it to 75, and asher was having chest pain right around that point, so 80 is quite alright in my books.)

now, i didn't get a chance to call SickKids on friday, so i'll be calling tomorrow, talking it over with them a little further, and setting an appointment date for their pacemaker clinic.

and then i'm going to vomit.

i'm going to be honest here: i want to go with dr w's ideas here. i like the idea of growing pains and more data and asher being worried or stressed somehow when his pulse is checked in clinic.

but... and again, i'm being honest... i'm not entirely convinced. part of me still... doubts, i guess. it's not that i don't trust dr w, because i do. i think she's a great doctor. she cares, she understands that i'm a mom and i'm concerned about my boy. she knows what it's like to be in position. she identifies, understands, cares, listens, explains... everything you could ever want in a cardiologist. except...

ok, i'm going to tell you a little story:

over the last couple weeks, i've been asking asher off and on (mostly when he's becoming flushed and/or grey) how he's feeling. but, in an effort to keep him honest, i'll ask him how he's doing when he looks fine. and once in a while, mostly on a whim (read: when i think of it), i check his pulse.

i did that yesterday, in fact. for no real reason, i sat him on my lap, found his pulse, and counted for a full minute. he was relaxed and calm and happy. no worries. just snuggling quietly with mommy. and his pulse was...

wait for it...


dead on, 100. not 99, not 101. one. hun. dred.

which is, you'll note, exactly his heart rate every time it's checked anymore. every. single. time.

100 bpm.

now, i have some thoughts about this (surprised? haha)... it's really kind of a hunch... but it does involve the pacemaker not working properly. i'm hoping i'm wrong. i really hope i'm wrong.

but the freaxious feeling in the pit of my stomach just won't go away...

i'll keep you posted. and i promise i'll do a better job over the coming days.

meanwhile, please pray for us. please pray for asher, that he will be ok. he's still having chest pain every day. his energy is still up, but the pains come on every time he's active. so please pray for him. also, please pray for me. like i said, i have this knot of freaxia in my gut that just won't go away. pleasse pray for peace for me, that i'll continue to trust God, trust the docs, trust asher... that i'll do the right thing, speak the right words, ask the right questions, that sort of thing. please pray for me. i also haven't been sleeping very well lately, and if we have to drive to toronto, i need to be alert enough to get us there and back safely. (haha) trust me, i'm not a danger behind the wheel, and i actually have enough energy during the day. it's just that i'm not sleeping at night, so please pray that i can get some rest.

now, for something a little lighter...

asher and i went out last night, just the two of us. a little date, if you will. we went to see Gnomeo & Juliet, and he loved it. ok, so did i. i saw it the other week with bram, and i've loved it both times. it just doesn't get old. it's such a cute movie. and this coming from a Shakespeare purist here, but this movie is sooooo cute, it's great! love it!!! seriously, go see. both my boys had a great time. we all highly recommend it. :) in fact, it's asher's "best" movie right now. awesome! :)

No comments: