and the post i started yesterday was going to be so different...

this afternoon, i was taking a shower, getting ready for work, when the phone rang. i let it go to voicemail.

i shouldn't have.

i should have jumped out of the shower and run to the phone and answered it immediately.

but i didn't.

i let it go to voicemail.

i shouldn't have.

when i checked the message a couple minutes later, it was the secretary from the school.

she needed me to call her back immediately. her concern was obvious by the urgency in her voice. i knew right away that something was very, very wrong with asher.

i called her back and here's what she said,

"hi, heather... we have asher... he's in the office... the paramedics are here now... can you meet them at the hospital?"

"what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

"he was... lethargic... they're leaving now... can you meet them at the hospital???"

"YES!!!! i'll be right there!!!!!"

i called asher's dad to see if he'd talked to them yet, and to ask him for a ride to the hospital (i was literally shaking at this point, so i didn't think driving would be the best idea...) while i was waiting for him, i updated FB, with

PLEASE PRAY!!!! ASHER IS BEING RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL. THE PARAMEDICS ARE AT THE SCHOOL RIGHT NOW. I'M ON MY WAY TO MEET THEM AT ST THOMAS EMERG. PLEASE PLEASE PRAY. ALL I KNOW IS THAT HE'S VERY LETHARGIC.

see those caps?? that's because i was terrified.

i won't give you the exact play-by-play of the afternoon, but here's what i gathered from the paramedic, our paediatrician, and asher himself:

by this afternoon, asher didn't have an appetite. so they brought him down to the office to see if he would eat there (sometimes he just gets distracted by the other kids, and the school has been informed of his FTT-ish tendencies and that he must eat his whole lunch). he didn't want to eat much.

then they noticed that, in addition to the loss of appetite, he was lethargic. and his colour wasn't right. so they started to get concerned...

when suddenly he became

flushed.

very sweaty.

unable to keep his eyes open.

unresponsive.

all he could hear was a rushing sound and his heart pounding. this is why he was unresponsive: he couldn't hear anyone speaking to him! he said that he was very, very dizzy, and his heart was burning and felt like someone was pushing on his chest, and he was very scared.

and when the paramedics arrived, his heart rate had dropped to 40bpm (beats per minute), but picked back up to 80 within a few beats, once the pacemaker kicked in. and the doc's words: "the paramedics said he looked awful when they got there."

(side note: this isn't really indicative of a problem with the pacemaker, which i know we're all thinking... because i thought it, too, initially. but if the pacemaker has been working for a while, it will switch off for a moment, just to see what the heart will do without it. if the heart cannot sustain the 80bpm on its own, the pacer kicks in again. this is what happened. the pacer tested the heart, his heart rate dropped by half, and the pacemaker brought it back up again. back to the story now...)

by the time we all met up at the hospital, asher was fine. his heart rate was sitting at 80, his colour was fine, energy and mood were normal, and he was smiling and chatting with the nurses when i walked in. his blood pressure was 117/75, his sats were 93 to 95% (his norm is 96 to 98%, so that's not too bad). the chest x-ray and ecg were unremarkable (pacer spike was visible on the ecg); bloodwork and urine were fine. right now, we're just waiting for the blood culture results, but those will be negative, too... other than some mottling on his back, he is showing no signs of sepsis or anything else nasty and bacterial.

so they sent us home.

i talked to our amazing paeds dr b this evening, and she's going to call neuro tomorrow. she wonders if perhaps this was some strange sort of seizure? asher did have an absence seizure as we were leaving the hospital tonight, so it's possible... and if it's not a seizure, at least we would know to focus on the heart if (yes, i'm saying "if," not "when") this happens again.

right now, i don't quite know what i'm feeling. relief, yes, absolutely. what happened today could have been very, very bad. (for those of you who saw my FB status this evening, there's a reason i used the word "infarc" in a text... it's because that's likely what very nearly happened... and if you don't know what an "infarc" is... you don't want to know, so don't ask.) but considering what i was writing yesterday... about how stable he is... which, yes, in the bigger picture, he's been worse... but... i think there's some fear and shock mixed in right now, since this happened so quickly, right out of the blue... honestly, yesterday he was fine.

completely fine.

a little heartburn, and tired during the heat wave last week, but other than that, completely fine.

and then today, i'm flying down the street to emerg because my baby almost had a heart attack at school. again.

well. he's not going to school tomorrow. and we'll see about friday. i'm not sure if this is for his benefit or my own, but i just don't feel comfortable sending him to school right now. i mean, he's acting fine. honestly, he's back to his usual self. which is lovely, don't get me wrong. but...

i'm rattled.

i'll get over this. i will. who knows, by morning, i'll probably feel better and calmer and by 10:00 i'll be wondering why i thought he couldn't go to school! haha but right now...

either way, i'm going to look at this as a couple of days with my littlest man, just me and him, hanging out. :) we'll play some monopoly jr, some candy matching game, maybe i'll get him to help me with some laundry, maybe we'll do some colouring... a fun time, just him and me. :) that's how i'm going to look at this right now. just nice, calm down-time with my littlest man. <3

and now if you'll excuse me, i'm going to go make myself some tea and relax. maybe some journaling, maybe some reading, maybe some praying... maybe some tetris... haha

right now he's doing fine. he and blithe are having a little sleepover in her room. his colour was a little off at bedtime, but it was just some reflux. he said his chest and throat were burning, so i gave him some ranitidine. tomorrow i might get him some tums or something, to tide him over between doses of the med... good thing i work in a drug store, eh? {wink}

anyway, there you go. the day in review. now i'm going to drink my tea, play some tetris, maybe read up on how to be fabulous, journal a little bit more, and go to bed.

thanks so much for all the prayers, vibes and crossed crossables this afternoon. they were needed and much appreciated.